this call is coming from inside Catherine...
WENDY: wait, greg has a book?
ALISON: yeah he has a few
he recently put out a book about the time he spent in london
before his books were humor books
this one is more humorous essays
humourous essays, since it's british
it's very colourful
and if you open it, crumpets fall out
a bobby falls out onto your lift
WENDY: and then you eat fish and chips in catherine zeta-jones's knickers
then you ring your flatmate on your mobile
WENDY: and hugh grant pops round for a snog
ALISON: then you take the piss out of prince harry
WENDY: and soon as you can say bob's your uncle, you're back at hogwarts!
ALISON: right. for a right royal buggering
WENDY: and a kip
ALISON: kips are brilliant
ALISON: we are so on the same wavelength, mate
because I was going to say cheerio
then I was going to doff my cap
WENDY: oh my god
the calls are coming from inside the house!
ALISON: I don't know what that means
but it's freaking me out!
ARE YOU OKAY?
I feel like i'm trapped in an urban legend
remember that movie
just when you said we both were going to say cheerio
it was freaky
and when something is freaky
i like to say
the calls are coming from inside the house
ALISON: it's interesting, because the freaky thing was how we were both thinking alike
and then to express that
you took a huge detour
and now I feel like I don't know you anymore
not sure if I wanna
this call is coming from across the pond!
A great question.
ALISON: I can TOTALLY see why unions are necesary
WENDY: i read that as
"i can totally see why unicorns are necessary"
ALISON: that too
without them, who would fly through rainbows?
Wendy's nephews are J.T. Leroy
ALISON: I actually have to go now but I'll be on later
WENDY: Me too. i have to play with my nephews.
WENDY: my nephews love to type!
ALISON: you don't really have nephews, do you?
You left the chat by logging out or being disconnected.
your message DID cheer me up!
i'm watching a cranberry bog video with my nephews
ALISON: you truly live the life
WENDY: they are very curious about cranberries
it's a gateway berry
Partying with Lindsay
WENDY: are you partying with lindsay lohan there in new york?
ALISON: (that's how somebody partying with lindsay would say totally)
Sometimes when you rape, the honesty's too much.
WENDY: i walked in on somebody in the bathroom today
and then she apologized to me
ALISON: had she not locked the door?
WENDY: She hadn't
but i wasn't traumatized or anything
ALISON: She might have been!
but then why did she apologize?
WENDY: it's like when i apologized to my rapist
ALISON: for being so rapable?
WENDY: no, like, sorry i wasn't that into it
it's probably because i was being raped
i'm normally much more giving
you were caught offguard
ALISON: timing is important
We're here, we're chickens, please do not picket...
ALISON: hi. I don't know what's going on in the world but I do think I just ate some rotten chicken
or if not rotten, then at least "off"
WENDY: oh no
ALISON: "different than you and me"
WENDY: a sinner
ALISON: I don't hate the chicken, I hate the sin
WENDY: fred phelps wants to picket that chicken
ALISON: isn't that fucked up?
the phelps thing
WENDY: I love that he's gonna picket the funeral of someone who PLAYED A GAY
ALISON: I KNOW!
WENDY: He's going to picket my funeral
because I watched Velvet Goldmine on cable
ALISON: who pickets funerals anyway
WENDY: didn't you once remark that you thought Gina Gershon was "not unattractive?"
you get a picket!
I said "for a chick I'm doing, she's not unnattractive"
I got some leggings and an abortion.
ALISON: do you have strong feelings about the nominations?
pro or con?
ALISON: I think it's an outrage that the "actors in a leading role" category is all men!
"actors in a supporting role" is just as bad
WENDY: I don't really have strong feelings
kind of a deadness inside
but none of the noms broke through my deadness
not even that scrappy juno can improve my situation
WENDY: i learned this from Juno--
if only every abortion clinic only had one clever Asian protester outside
ALISON: no shit!
WENDY: And a sassy receptionist, no one would get an abortion
ALISON: yeah, why hasn't the pro life lobby thought about that?
ALISON: They will now
ALISON: They're so busy making posters they overlook the obvious
sass on the inside, Asian on the outside
WENDY: All it takes is for an abortion clinic to be aesthetically displeasing
and all the hipster teens will say no
if you could get an abortion at American Apparel or something, MAYBE
but not at a dumpy abortion clinic
I don't want to read for any more parts requiring...
WENDY: oscar nominations today
ALISON: that's kind of big news
which I should be aware of
WENDY: you were nominated
WENDY: for your role as psychopath Anton Chigurh
in No Country For Old Men
ALISON: I don't do it for the recognition, but I appreciate it nonetheless
that's tremendously fulfilling
because I really struggled to find Anton
WENDY: it's hard to find a character who is a negative space
ALISON: it's hard to trust
to go into that negative space and just... be
WENDY: and your hair looked GREAT
ALISON: yeah, the hair really helped me find the character
WENDY: think it's safe to say that the bowl cut will be making a big comeback this year amongst psychopaths
ALIOSN: you know what, it's so funny, but I'm already sick of it
and now I"ll probably be stuck with it because i'm known for it
ALISON: i talked to my agent. I was like "I don't even want to read for parts requiring bowl cuts anymore"
don't even put them in front of me
but she talked me down
WENDY: you mean she gave you pills?
ALISON: honey, when you're on as many pills as I"m on, you don't even notice a few more
ALISON: she may have
Hi! Wendy here. I bet you can guess my feelings... →
Wendy's imaginary life partnerships
WENDY: the actor that played Sam the butcher on The Brady Bunch just died.
I guess we knew that once Edmund Hillary went, it was only a matter of time
they were a great couple
ALISON: (pssst. who's edmund hillary?)
(I'm whispering it)
(so my friend wendy won't think I'm an idiot)
WENDY: he was the first man to climb Everest
he and Sam the Butcher were life partners in my imagination
know who my life partner is?
ALISON: I don't
say it. i think it's pretty obvious.
ALISON: oh, duh. my mom
WENDY: i love you
They're good balls
WENDY: this just in. i'm reading the tom cruise biography
ALISON: the andrew morton one?
WENDY: uh huh. my friends like to buy me celebrity biographies.
ALISON: that's thoughtful of them
WENDY: i read anne heche's "call me crazy"
and nicole richie's 'the truth about diamonds"
ALISON: were they good?
WENDY: oh, well "good" isn't really the word
ALISON: I read Steve Martin's "Born Standing Up" and thought to myself that I need to read more books like that
but that's an autobiography
so it's different
WENDY: oh i need to read that
ALISON: it's god. good I mean
WENDY: oh is it??
ALISON: not god
I read it in a day
its the first book I finished in like three years
which is sad
the other book I finished?
WENDY: well, do not read the tom cruise book if you want to read a good book
ALISON: I want to read a page turner
I'm over reading anything redeeming
WENDY: i have a few recommendations then
"prep" by curtis sittenfeld
"never let me go" by kazuo ishigurp
ALISON: ishigurp would be a great name
WENDY: and "your mom's diary" by your mom
the last one is really raunchy
[FAST FORWARD ABOUT 15 MINUTES]
WENDY: they're good balls --just ask your mom!
Alison: oh you did not!
WENDY: alison, i did.
WENDY: i am gonna keep this shit up until it's funny again
ALISON: I wish there were a way for my tone to come through when I say "oh goody"
Ah, so this is why!
WENDY: let's talk about something fun
ALISON: okay, fun stuff!
WENDY: well, it's been a sad week for celebrities and rugs
WENDY: so that's not funny
WENDY: ha ha
WENDY: i meant drugs!
I was like, did I miss some kind of celebrity news involving carpets?
WENDY: so many celebrities died of rugs
ALISON: rug poisoning
ALISON: rug overdose
WENDY: they found a rug in the pocket of lindsay lohan's jeans
ALISON: she said it didn't belong to her
but it had her freckles and lint all over it
WENDY: I tried to cook a rug on a spoon and then inject it
ALISON: i rolled it tightly and smoked it
ALISON: so this is why there isn't that much humor about rugs
We just can't hear the difference.
ALISON: whenever I smell pot now I always say "smells like college"
not like that's my patented thing I say or anything
but just I always find myself saying that
because I'm repetitive
WENDY: sometimes i tell my husband he has to retire a phrase
ALISON: what are they?
which ones have been retired?
you must divulge a retired phrase
if you can think of one
WENDY: okay, i'm thinking
like, we play a lot of poker
WENDY: and he started saying "these cards are rags"
which means they are junk
WENDY: but he said it like eight times in an hour
and i made him retire it on the spot
ALISON: is that some kansas slang?
WENDY: no, it's poker slang
ALISON: someone once made me retire "you guys, I'm so drunk"
WENDY: someone made me retire, "please, have sex with me, i will pay you money"
ALISON: was it the police?
and all my friends
ALISON: here is a weird one
ALISON: my sister pronounces sure like shore
which is a way some people pronounce it
however SHE AND I do not pronounce it that way
SHE AND HER BOYFRIEND do
WENDY: oh dear
ALISON: and I'm like "who the hell are you now?"
WENDY: my dad says Ro-butt
instead of robot
WENDY: uh huh. and yet, if you tell him this, he asserts there is no difference.
ALISON: my dad says dunkey
but a lot of people say that
i don't though
WENDY: well, that's way off
ALISON: no, not for robot!
WENDY: i know
but that would be great if he did
ALISON: it really would
WENDY: like, "i love that movie "I, Dunkey"
If anything happens to us, find Suri.
WENDY: here's how you know you are married
you watch big love and think about polygamy and instead of feeling jealous, you think "that looks relaxing"
ALISON: sharing the wifely duties?
WENDY: "i could have a baby and not hire a nanny if i wanted to work"
WENDY: yeah, not the sex part
sharing that would suck
but just someone to help with the kids
do you like that show?
ALISON: I like it when I watch it
I haven't kept up
I was too busy watching The Hills
WENDY: Oh, the hills
i played poker the other night with a guy who looked like justinbobby
but it wasn't him
ALISON: too bad
WENDY: can you call me WendyBobby from now on?
ALISON: yes, can you call me JustinAlison from now on?
WENDY: i watched Katie Holmes on Letterman last night
ALISON: does she seem crazy?
WENDY: not crazy, just odd
ALISON: she should have that printed on her business card
not crazy, just emotional problems
it would be refreshing if we all just said right away what our big problem is
ALISON: what if we don't know though?
despite years of therapy?
I'm speaking about an imaginary person named AlisonBobby, btw
WENDY: Wendy Molyneux, Writer, Abandonment Issues, Problems With Perfectionism, Anger
ALISON: AlisonBobby, writer/television whatever, Fear of Rejection, Reclusive, supple and tender lover
WENDY: you know if we post about this, we'll both be killed immediately
by suri cruise
ALISON: I know
that would be horrible actually
WENDY: she's a little strangle-y
Alison fails to make a breakthrough.
ALISON: oh my god, this guy is tapping his foot near me and he's DRIVING ME FUCKING NUTS
he's punctuating what he's saying with foot taps
I expect larry craig to show up anytime
his shoes are extremely loud
it's like he's tapping on a hellmouth
something hollow has to be down there because the acoustics are amazing
WENDY: are you at work?
he just tapped 9 times
in sets of three
WENDY: why don't you just tell him to stop?
WENDY: or should i just post this and hope he googles you later?
ALISON: now I'm trying to figure out why i"m not telling him
WENDY: yeah! tell him.
let's see what happens!
ALISON: but I mean really, if this were you, how would you tell someone to stop tapping their foot?
WENDY: I would say "stop tapping your foot it's driving me crazy"
and then he'd apologize
and the whole thing would be settled
WENDY: but your way is better
the smartest commentary on current film ever
Wendy: let's talk lame golden globes broadcast
Alison: okay! except I haven't been watching it
Wendy: billy bush is totally going to be president in twenty years right
Alison: I should turn it on
Wendy: it's horrible
Alison: I enjoy press conferences (note: I do not enjoy press conferences)
Wendy: the woman announcing with billy bush had the tannest arms i've ever seen.i cannot focus on the winners. as far as I know, everyone who has won is named TAN ARMS. I loved Tan Arms in Mad Men
Alison: I'd like to accept this award on behalf of Tan Arms. he couldn't be here tonight. he's tanning
Wendy: the lady who played edith piaf won best actress. i watched that movie this week.
they use so much of her music so relentlessly that by the end, you want to dig her up and kill her again
just kidding, ghost of edith piaf!
Alison: Oh it's back on! oh my god scary orangish black arms
Alison: I wasn't prepared.
I should have been.
they're like 80 shades too dark
Wendy: no one can prepare you for arms that tan
Fun Videos For You! →
Alison is off shooting her fancy TV show, so we cannot post a chat today. But! Why not check out these videos my husband and I produced with some friends. No, not those kinds of videos. We’d charge you to watch those.
For nights you want to last for 4-7 days of...
Alison: I had Debbie Gibson's perfume
Wendy: me too!
Wendy: electric youth
Wendy: i also had exclamation!
Wendy: i must've smelled like shit
Alison: what was exclamation?
Wendy: some perfume that came in a bottle that looked like an exclamation point
Wendy: now that i'm older i use semi-colon, the punctuation perfume for grown-ups
Alison: I would use ellipse
Alison: for people who never shut up
Wendy: Nobody bought Period. For obvious reasons
Alison: "for nights you want to end"
Wendy: for nights you want to last for 4-7 days of relative discomfort
Alison: for nights where you feel like putting things in piles because the mess bothers you more than normal
Alison: or is that just me?
Wendy: cry for no reason! period!
Alison: wait, this brings me to my brilliant idea which I"ve tried to convince other people of its brilliance and yet somehow no one ever sees it as I do
it's perfume that comes in a cell phone shaped bottle called "conexxxion"
Wendy: oh no
Wendy: that makes me want to die
Alison: I know!
Wendy: is that what you were going for?
Alison: I'm thinking long and hard about what I was going for
Wendy: i'll hold
Alison: I'm not sure
maybe that's where my business plan failed
I didn't accurately take into account the needs of my customers
Wendy: I'm pretty sure that's not why
Alison: Okay, it's a bottle that looks like a sidekick
Alison: and it's called: texxxt
Wendy: I'm leaving.
Alison: Okay fine
We were young and silly
Wendy: hey, do you watch dr. phil or oprah?
Alison: but not regularly
Wendy: yeah, i don't know anyone who does
Wendy: and yet they are so popular
Wendy: i guess i don't know anyone who is into jesus either though, and he's pretty popular
Alison: he's such a kiss ass though
Wendy: oh, i love you all equally
Wendy: oh, i forgive all your sins
Alison: I love each hair on your head
Alison: what about the bald people?
Alison: did he actually even say that? probably not
Wendy: he may have said that, or it may be from The Notebook
Wendy: there's no telling
Alison: The bible is the original Notebook
Wendy: That's true
Wendy: There's no greater unrequited love than that of God for his people
Wendy: the end scene where he chases us to the airport is amazing
Alison: and then we don't get on the plane after all
Wendy: Because we realize that God was right for us all along
Alison: but we were young and silly
New Hampshire is your Jesus now
Wendy: I am already tired of hearing Hillary say that in listening to the people of New Hampshire she found her own voice.
Alison: she looked down on the beach and saw not one set of footprints, but zillions
Alison: because the people of NH were carrying her etc
Wendy: We were the wind beneath her pantsuit.
Yes, I am pretty
Alison: I was quite surprised that hillary won
Alison: because I'd stupidly believed what I heard on TV
Alison: and then when I heard the news I was like "well that will teach me for believing early poll reports" and not personally polling people myself
Wendy: Yes, I like to get out there on the streets and do my own polling
Wendy: though i usually just ask people if they think I'm pretty
Alison: I like to take my own census
Wendy: yes, according to my census of me
Wendy: everyone is childless in their thirties and has two cats that they talk to too much
Alison: according to mine, everyone lives in new york with their sister
Wendy: i think we've pretty much settled that then
She seems like a bra stealer
Wendy: I can't watch that show (Men In Trees)
Wendy: because I feel like somehow if I dip a toe in the Anne Heche pool she'll jump through my TV set and break up my marriage
and we'll be together for like three years
Alison: and then she'll ditch you for steve martin
Alison: and you won't even have a TV anymore because she broke it
Wendy: and like all my bras will be missing
Wendy: nothing will make any sense
Alison: she does seem like a bra stealer
Wendy: when i lived in San Francisco one of my housemates turned out to be a heroin addict
Wendy: and ALL OF OUR SPOONS WERE MISSING!
Wendy: I was like, really?
Wendy: also, she watched me sleep
Wendy: and she bailed the apartment in december without paying rent and MOVED IN NEXT DOOR
Wendy: heroin makes you BOLD
I'm A WINNER
Wendy: Last night I was at the IOWest doing one of my HILARIOUS improv shows
and everyone had Obama pins on. I was like, really?? it's like being Yankee fans. you are just backing a winner now. LOOK AT ME
Wendy: I'm A WINNER
Alison: like livestrong bracelets
Wendy: I think Lance Armstrong makes people feel like if they don't beat cancer they are pussies. Like oh, I beat cancer, then I fucked an Olsen twin, how you like me now?
Oh, and I won the Tour De France six times.
And I have a thirteen inch dick.
And I fucked your mom.
Alison: the silence you are witnessing is my attempt to come up with some hilarious one ball joke. but I can't
Wendy: that's okay, but I bet Armstrong could
Alison: why'd the one ball cross the road?
Wendy: because it was too much of a pussy to beat cancer?
Alison: actually I was going to go with "because it was stapled to the chicken," but I like yours too
The One Thing In Life I Felt Was Safe
Alison: do we have anything to chat about yet or should we do it later? I'm addicted to our tumblr!
Wendy: well, i'm a little crunched
Alison: oh okay
Wendy: i'm in charge of getting sandwiches for the zoo. it's a huge responsibility
Wendy: going with my sister and her children. not sandwiches FOR the zoo
Alison: beware of tigers
Wendy: i know. the one thing in life I felt was safe
Alison: and yet you are soldiering on to the zoo
Wendy: yep. It's my 9/11. I won't be afraid. I can't let Tigers win.
Alison: you are courageous
Wendy: thank you.
Too Fat For A Beating
Alison: Did you hear about the Golden Globes?
Wendy: Yes. So no telecast?
Alison: Have you already blogged it? I know you are very strike conscious
Wendy: I did not blog it, but I'm so sad we won't get to see Rumer Willis lurking behind all the winners.
Wendy: I hope she'll just do some freelance lurking.
Alison: She could be a permalance lurker.
Wendy: Terrible benefits.
Alison: Permalance is a stupid word
Wendy: It sounds like a royal knight!
Alison: Or a perpetually stoned surfer.
Alison: I would have had a crush on Permalance in high school.
Wendy: I only had crushes on gay dudes in high school.
Wendy: Like when i was a freshman I liked this guy who showed up to a school function in a vintage suit with a BUTTERFLY BROOCH.
Wendy: I LOVED HIM
Wendy: I know!
Alison: I could see thinking that's cool in a baroque non mainstream way though,
Wendy: Right, now that guy wouldn't even be gay, he'd just be in the Shins
Alison: I have a picture of that guy [Martin Crandall of the Shins, arrested for beating his girlfriend Elise Sewell from America's Next Top Model]. Because I hung out near him a few times.
Wendy: Did he hit you?
Alison: I say near him because we were all in a group but I don't think I talked to him much.
Wendy: Were you not attractive enough to get hit by an indie rocker?
Alison: I was probably too fat for a beating.
Wendy: Too much cushion
Alison: He's very zippy though.
Wendy: Like he has a lot of energy? I think these days if you say someone is energetic you just mean cocaine.
Alison: I think he's energetic.
Alison: Hold while I figure out how to use a computer!
Wendy: Press a button on it.
Wendy: That is how computers work.
Wendy: Buttons and switches.
Wendy: But don't accidentally start a war or go to space.
Wendy: I was talking about Space Camp this weekend.
Wendy: Like, I love the idea that someone signed off on that.
Because when my sister and i get notes back on a script it will be like
"Would this character really eat a hamburger?" But launching a shuttle into space accidentally is OKAY.
Alison: I thought mel brooks was really good in it
Alison: And daphne zuniga.
Wendy: Whatever happened to Daph?
Alison: I think Daph played characters named Alison in more than one thing.
I used to be upset by the way Alisons onscreen were always nerds or cheerleaders.
Alison: They really are though.
Wendy: All Wendys are Peter Pan's friend
Wendy: And Peter Pan -- so gay.
Wendy: See? It was destiny!
Alison: I kind of had a crush on Sandy Duncan as Peter Pan when I was young.
Alison: I mean, at the time I didn't think of it as a crush.
Alison: Just thought that I was obsessed with Peter Pan
Wendy: Yeah, that makes sense.
Alison: It's only now that I'm old that I look back and think, that was really kind of an early crush.
Wendy: I felt the same way about Hillary Swank in "Boys Don't Cry."
Wendy: We should talk about Britney.
Wendy: I hope the fact that she's mentally ill will get the paparazzi to just start following random mentally ill people around.
Wendy: X17 can just be a site with pictures of your favorite homeless mentally ill people.
Wendy: Oh no, you died.
Alison: I'm back! I was actually wondering how or if we're going to edit
Wendy: Dunno. I think maybe fix spelling and shit.
Wendy: Also, i'd like to have bigger boobs
Alison: I'd like to have moved around a bit more as a child.
Alison: So: Britney!
Wendy: The helicopters went over my house when they chased her ambulance
Wendy: then today: SHE DIED
Wendy: Just kidding!
Wendy: But it seems like it, right, and what's worse is I feel like they WANT her to.
Wendy: Like Anna Nicole gave them a taste for blood
Alison: I think they already had one
Alison: I found Anna Nicole's death really upsetting
Wendy: Yeah, I found it disconcerting, I guess.
Alison: Maybe unsettling is a better word
Wendy: I mean, the same way I find episodes of Intervention upsetting
Alison: And I felt unsettled by Britney's head shaving
Wendy: Like the idea that an adult won't stop harming themselves gives any reasonable person a shudder
Wendy: I think this whole generation is so self-destructive.
Wendy: They're all gonna die and all we'll have to remember them by are their sex tapes.
Alison: I hope someone transfers those to DVD
Wendy: Yeah, I guess SEX DVD is more what we should say
Wendy: Or sex vimeo
Alison: Sex reel
Wendy: Sex youtube
Alison: That has a nice ring
Alison: Actually it sounds like something you'd bring into the bedroom to spice things up
Wendy: A tube?
Alison: I think there is something like that
Wendy: I don't want any tubes in my bedroom!?
Wendy: Okay, so I read that description of two girls, one cup that they posted on Gawker on Friday.
Wendy: It made me want to die
Wendy: What else do we need to cover, Obama?
Alison: Ron paul?
Wendy: Oh, Bindi!
Wendy: I like that we skip right over the poltiics
Alison: I know!
Wendy: Fuck the future of our nation, let's gang up on Bindi Irwin!
Alison: She could be the future
Alison: I think she's cute
Wendy: She does have a deadness in the eyes though.
Wendy: Like, I have to keep singing and dancing. mama said!
Wendy: That video about her dad is crazy.
Alison: She's actually kind of vaguely jon benetesque
Wendy: My sister bought her kids a Wiggles Safari CD
Wendy: And we put it on in the car, and it was like, "Hi, I'm Steve Irwin..."
Alison: I dont know the wiggles
Wendy: And I was like, oh this is why it was on sale.
Wendy: You're joking re: wiggles?
Alison: I"m not
Wendy: They're the most popular children's group of all time.
Alison: They are?
Wendy: They're like the Beatles for kids
Alison: I thought Hannah Montana was that
Wendy: I forgot that they don't have children in New York.
Alison: It's true, they don't
Alison: Are they puppets?
Alison: And live people
Wendy: They = Real
Wendy: You = Adorable
Alison: You = too kind!
Alison: All right, I'm googling the wiggles
Alison: That sounds like a Dr. Seuss line
Alison: Which shows you my frame of reference
Wendy: Honestly, it's like you never heard of Jack Nicholson
Wendy: Google the wiggles
Wendy: I googled the wiggles once
Wendy: That's how i got scabies
Alison: Wow, in 2005 they earned more than A and B combined
Alison: Guess what/who A and B are (this is wikipedia)
Alison: They were australia's richest entertainers for the year 2005, earning more than...
Wendy: Steve Irwin and Russel Crowe?
Alison: AC/DC and Nicole Kidman
Wendy: Ha ha
Wendy: That's a great pairing
Wendy: She's opening for them on their upcoming tour
Alison: Okay wait, when did you first hear of the wiggles?
Wendy: A million years ago
Wendy: When time began
Alison: Surely you don't really believe that do you?
Alison: (you know, evolution)
Wendy: No. I was placed gently on the Earth by baby Jesus is an explosion of glitter and Michael W. Smith songs
Alison: Anyway, I don't know how I missed out on the wiggles
Alison: But I'll never make that mistake again
Alison: I want to be wiggly
Wendy: Yeah, it is weird that you never heard of the Wiggles.
Wendy: It's like you never heard of bananas or something. Those are the two things I think are popular.
Wendy: Bananas and Jack Nicholson
Alison: Okay, kill fuck marry: bananas, jack nicholson, the wiggles
Wendy: kill jack nicholson, fuck a banana marry the wiggles
Alison: Wow you like the wiggles that much?
Wendy: They are RICH!
Alison: More than ACDC and Kidman combined!
Wendy: And they'd be on the road a lot so I could stay home and fuck bananas while my husband played the Xbox
Wendy: Oh hi!
Alison: Am I showing up as facts of life? or my beautiful face?
Wendy: It looks GREAT. You've never looked better.