Alison And Wendy

2009

December
November
October
September
August
July
June 1
May
April
March 9
January

2008

December
November
September
August 1
July 5
June 5
May 9
April 13
March 15
January 45
Wendy and Alison
May 1st

this is likely the beginning of a zany...

WENDY: i am watching a Lost recap for work
ALISON: fun! I've actually never seen that show
I'm transcribing a phone message about turtles for work
it's sad really
WENDY: that sounds fun
let's switch lives!
ALISON: believe me
while transcribing messages about turtles sounds glamorous
or even glamourous
(for our readers in England)
it
it's not
I put my heart and soul into this turtle business
FOR LITTLE RETURN
May 1st

teens vs. cougars

ALISON: I was thinking that I, too, have a moderate amount to live for
and topping the list is The Hills, Keeping up with the Kardashians
Gossip Girl
and The Real World
WENDY: ugh. i just got hooked on Gossip Girl
WENDY: i avoided it
WENDY: but then
ALISON: welcome!
WENDY: it sucked me in
i think mainly i believe that if i stare at Serena long enough
i can somehow begin to look like her?
ALISON: aren't you dying to know what the secret is?
WENDY: yes, it's lesbo porn right?
ALISON: I think so
I actually went online to search for spoilers
WENDY: this week is the week that the teens took it back from the cougars
miley
gossip girl
they're all
in your face, tina fey and demi moore
!!
ALISON: yeah!
they're like, suck it, rue mcclanahan
eat this, martha washington!
May 1st
BEFORE
Apr 29th
AFTER 
Apr 29th
random child on newfangled cell phone
Apr 29th

As The Buttons Turn...

ALISON: want to know something that is totally unimportant but is driving me (slightly) crazy in a million ways?
WENDY: sure
ALISON: the leather holder that my blackberry comes in used to have a little silver colored button on it
magically it now has a black colored button on it
so either I have the wrong case
which is possible, it's possible that somehow they got switched at red eye I'm thinking
or—and I think I'm the only person who would be hanging on to the following ridiculous theory—some kind of chemical reaction occurred where the silver turned black
because since it's a magnet, stuff gets stuck to it all the time
WENDY: hmmm
it's clearly time for alison to go away for a nice long rest
ALISON: this, mixed with what's left of my knowledge of high school AP chemistry, leaves me thinking something which likely isn't possible, is possible
also, it's been talking to me
saying my name late at night
it said your name too, just fyi
WENDY: shit
don't kill me
i have a moderate amount of stuff to live for
ALISON: I won't!
I'm telling you TO PROTECT YOU
moderate is good, by the way
like a three if there were five options
Apr 29th

Wendy's chilling confession

WENDY: in other news, i am going to a fondue party tonight
which reminds me of how much i loved fondue when i was a kid
the idea of dipping something in something else
is great if you are a kid
ALISON: here's my thing with fondue: I like it as an idea more than as a cheese
WENDY: I remember how excited i got when i found out about onion dip
it was something that i only had at my friend noel's house
also, she had a videotape of the movie 'porky's"
hers was the house of forbidden treasures
hbo
no parents
onion dip
ALISON: my god
WENDY: swearing
ALISON: I'm surprised this didn't lead to satanic rituals
WENDY: killing a man just to see how it felt
see!
ALISON: I knew it!
Apr 27th
First they dipped bread, then the still-beating hearts of...
Apr 27th

how to succeed at posting without really...

ALISON: so about fondue: is this now what people in LA are doing?
WENDY: dunno
it's what I'm doing
ALISON: or are you just a part of a small fondue movement?
WENDY: but i don't think i'm representative
ALISON: maybe you are but don't know it!
do you bring anything to the fondue party?
or just your appetite?
and love of fondue
WENDY: just your keys to put in the bowl i think
ALISON: cheesy keys
yum
and husband swapping
but you ALWAYS do that
remember that one time you ended up with your own husband?
WENDY: awkward
ALISON: I know!
you handled it well though
WENDY: i just asked him to pretend to be someone else
specifically ralph macchio
ALISON: any particular role?
WENDY: how to succeed in business without really trying
the broadway show
ALISON: well, you are a woman, after all
Apr 27th

blood, trees, blogs, now with extra...

ALISON: People are asking if this blog is dying out and since Wendy isn't online right now I've taken to having a one-sided conversation with myself to show that Wendy and I still blog here. I'm watering the blog tree with the blood of solipsism. Feeding the blog tree? Refueling the blog tree? Cross-pollinating?
ALISON: you know nothing about trees and even less about blogs.
ALISON: Oh really?
ALISON: Yes.
ALISON: I hate you.
ALISON: likewise.
ALISON: well if you're so smart about trees and blogs, why don't YOU take over?
ALISON: I am.
ALISON: oh really?
ALISON: shut up.
ALISON: no you shut up.
ALISON: does your face hurt?
ALISON: no, why?
ALISON: it's killing me! get it?
ALISON: grow up, baby.
Apr 25th
It seems to me he lived his life like a candle in the wind.
Apr 15th

This post features John Adams.

ALISON: there is a marilyn monroe sex tape that's been found
showing her performing oral sex
WENDY: i heard
i love that the guy who bought it won't show it
TO PROTECT HER DIGNITY
ALISON: right
WENDY: like
yeah, she's been allowed so much dignity in the past
let's keep that up
ALISON: I wish it was a nancy reagan sex tape
because I'm hot for Nancy
WENDY: i wish it was a jenna jameson sex tape
ALISON: if only that existed
WENDY: I'm going to announce that i've found a jenna jameson sex tape
and i'm selling it for 1.5 mill
ALISON: but you won't show it
WENDY: yeah
ALISON: I wonder who the guy in the monroe tape is
WENDY: john adams
it's a cross promotional viral video
with Turner Classic Movies and HBO
ALISON: you click on the link...
and get rickrolled!
Apr 15th
Discovered on a routine exam
Apr 7th

not enough cranberry juice in the world

WENDY: do you like basketball?
ALISON: I love me some hoops
WENDY: i have adopted the Kansas Jayhawks
ALISON: (I don't actually)
(but I can pretend)
you adopted them? why?
WENDY: and that game on Saturday was amazing!
jeff went to KU
ALISON: I see
WENDY: and the Pomona-Pitzer sagehens (our team)
don't seem to make the bracket!
ALISON: and so because you are married to him, you also feel the ferver?
WENDY: i feel a fever
and occasionally a burning sensation
ALISON: I have a basketball UTI
i have march madness in my lower abdomen
maybe I should see a doctor?
WENDY: there is a lump in my three-point zone
ALISON: pass it to me!
I'm open!
ouch!
I said pass it to me,
not hit me in the head with it
WENDY: sprry
ALISON: sprry isn't good enough
WENDY: i applpgize
Apr 7th

This post is still in the running to...

WENDY: hi!
you there?
ALISON: hey!
hello!
now it's my turn to say sorry I"ve been MIA
WENDY: oh i haven't been on
so i didn't know!
ALISON: oh
in that case, I've totally been on and trying to chat with you
WENDY: ha ha
yeah
i bet i've missed a lot
i probably won america's next top model
but they couldn't i.m. me
ALISON: you did
and you've won an array of sweepstakes
and a few prizes from pomona college
WENDY: so i lost out on a one hundred thousand dollar modeling contract with cover girl
the thing i love about top model
is that it will ALWAYS be 100,000
ALISON: even when gas costs more
WENDY: even when that is the equivalent of five bucks
in future robot dollars
Apr 3rd