Alison And Wendy

Pictured: Um, NOT Wendy. Why do you ask?

this post was NOT written by a banana

WENDY: can they please stop airing the hills
that show is SO stupid
they aren't even trying
ALISON: hush your mouth!
bite your tongue!
WENDY: no
ALISON: recuse yourself!
WENDY: i won't
ALISON: if you happen to be the lawyer on a case about the hills
WENDY: that is the worst show ever
ALISON: recuse yourself!
WENDY: i am suing the hills
for being so horrible
and triggering the apocalypse
ALISON: people say this. I hear this allegation
and yet, I don't see it
to me it's just awesome
WENDY: don't get me wrong. at first it was kinda fun
but now the producers are saying it's the new "friends"
ALISON: oh
well that is bullshit
and sacrilege
WENDY: that's like saying a photograph of me eating pizza is the new "thirtysomething"
that was a show with writers
the hills is like a series of catalogue photographs
with more staring
and less content
ALISON: it's like saying a video of me ice skating is the new where in the world is carmen san diego
WENDY: EXACTLY
my metaphors need work
that's the takeaway
ALISON: I didn't watch the hills last night
but i recorded it
WENDY: just set your tv on fire
and then throw it at lauren conrad
ALISON: who do you like best/least?
WENDY: everyone
WENDY: btw, i'm gonna try to go to yoga today
that's gonna blow
ALISON: do you do yoga?
WENDY: um, not yet!
i have this idea that I really wanna do yoga
but i am SO LAZY
maybe I should declare that I am going to really start
here on the internets
ALISON: do it!
our commenters will keep you honest
WENDY: so I will keep the promise
just like everyone keeps their promises on the inter nets
like "i am eighteen" or "i am not in prison"
those are two popular internet truths
ALISON: or "I'm female"
WENDY: "i'm not a superintelligent gorilla that learned how to type"
ALISON: "I'm not a giant banana that has a personal assistant who does his typing"
WENDY: i'm not
STOP ACCUSING ME OF THAT
ALISON: then stop looking at me with those banana eyes
you know I'm powerless to resist you when you're making banana eyes at me!
WENDY: c'mon
i'm just a banana
it's NOT MY FAULT
ALISON: you know, for a banana you sure don't take much responsibility
it's always the other guy with you, isn't it
always someone else's fault
BANANA: I had a difficult childhood

This post should be kept in a ziploc...

ALISON: how was las vegas?
WENDY: it was okay
kinda fun
it got kinda tiring
i usually love it
but we usually stay somewhere quieter
the mgm grand is madness
but i entertained myself with the idea that they let the lions out to wander around the casino for fifteen minutes every night at midnight
ALISON: haha
would people place bets on it?
WENDY: it's just another kind of gamble
it's another way to encourage risk-taking
ALISON: exactly. you have to know someone to get in on the REAL gambling that goes on there
WENDY: like, i survived the lion release
i must be lucky
it would encourage a devil-may-care attitude
ALISON: I didn't know they really have lions there
where are they?
WENDY: in a big glass cage
near the poker room
ALISON: just like in the wild
WENDY: except for that fifteen minutes
when they could be ANYWHERE
ALISON: right
I can't even think about it without feeling like a lion is crawling up my leg!
WENDY: yeah
when i see one, instead of killing it
i trap it under a glass
and let it go outside
ALISON: I have a giant lion swatter
that I sometimes resort to
but sometimes I accidentally take out a wall
I'll be like "oh, I'm going to get you!"
and then I knock over the wall and the lion gets away
I probably should have lion proofed the apartment
WENDY: yeah
we're having ours tented
ALISON: that's smart
lions will get into everything
for example, you can't leave elk out overnight
they smell it
so I put all my elk in ziplock bags in the freezer
WENDY: smart
ALISON: I found a bunch of lions living in between my mattress and box spring
I almost threw up

OMFAAW

WENDY: alison
ALISON: yes
WENDY: I KILLED SOMEONE
ALISON: really?
WENDY: just kidding
but serena van der woodsen was NOT KIDDING
on gossip girl
ALISON: because I was ready to stand by you through thick and thin
because we are sisters
and, um
what else did she say to her?
she'll never let go
I have to say, I didn't quite see the killing coming
the lesbo porn
yes
the the murder was a delightful surprise
any theories about what's to come?
WENDY: don't you think
it was self-defense
like the guy tried to rape her
ALISON: maybe
yeah I wondered about that
WENDY: and she killed him
because a thrill kill is pretty unredeemable
ALISON: or maybe georgina told her she killed someone
except I bet it's on the tape
WENDY: but really it was georgina
ALISON: I hope it's not something where when it comes out I'm like "those fuckers"
"they cheesed out"
she just better have really killed someone
ALISON: now, you are just tuning in this season so you won't know what I mean, but I think rufus has become more attractive
dan's dad
WENDY: yeah
he's hot
but he looks like he's about 25
ALISON: yeah
I like them young
young dads
right
vanessa bugs me
WENDY: yeah
many people in the cast bug
ALISON: yeah
I like chuck and blair
that might be it
WENDY: there's not a lot of acting going on
you know, for a tv show
ALISON: I thought it's real?
WENDY: it's an acceptable amount of acting for like a tire dealership

HOTT!

Meanwhile, Alison loved him on Cheers

WENDY: i am watching annie hall
it's reminding me how much i used to love woody allen
he was one of my childhood crushes
ALISON: really?
WENDY: yes
ALISON: he would be so into that
WENDY: the soon-yi incident
was very hard on me
ALISON: see, sadly I would just take that as encouragement
WENDY: right, turns out that when i liked him is when i would have actually had a shot