Alison And Wendy

2009

December
November
October
September
August
July
June 1
May
April
March 9
January

2008

December
November
September
August 1
July 5
June 5
May 9
April 13
March 15
January 45

I think, therefore I'm a meat piƱata

ALISON: hello!
WENDY: hi meat piñata
ALISON: I feel so objectified when you call me that
WENDY: and i feel objectified when you don't
ALISON: look wendy
WENDY yes?
ALISON: I see you as so much more than the frilly bits of paper you coat yourself in
I see you as a constellation of things and ideas
you're like a tag cloud to me
and so to just call you meat piñata
feels wrong to me
WENDY: look, haven't you ever heard the saying, "tell pretty people they are smart, tell smart people they are pretty, and tell wendy she's a meat piñata" in an obscure reference to a party you went to where they actually had a meat piñata?
ALISON: I have heard that
I just don't really see how it applies here
Jul 2nd
Wendy performing stand-up. [Note: go here for the backstory...
Jul 2nd
NSFW
Jun 26th

"I'm not sure you know what words mean."

ALISON: you know you're perverted when you read a sentence involving pearl earrings and you kind of titter to yourself
and then you remember that actually there's nothing perverted about pearl earrings
WENDY: i thought only "pearl necklace" was dirty
ALISON: yeah, it is
WENDY: what if i said "diamond anklet"?
would you get a boner?
ALISON: no
but when you said boner I did
it just happened again!
WENDY: oh boy
ALISON: and again!
WENDY: i'm not sure you know what words mean
ALISON: I can't hear you
I have boners in my ears
I've sort of painted myself into a corner humorwise with this one
WENDY: oh boy
ALISON: boner!
WENDY: use the trapdoor
ALISON: I wonder what ever happened to boner from growing pains
mike "boner" stabone
WENDY: isn't he leonardo dicaprio now?
ALISON: no
leonardo dicaprio played someone else
I think he played carol
WENDY: oh, i thought kirk cameron played carol.
Jun 26th
Alison’s holding out for this movie.
Jun 4th

This Post Is Sassy But Also...

ALISON: okay so I actually saw the movie yesterday
don't tell me what happened!
WENDY: how was it?
ALISON: well I'd heard that it was SO GOOD
and SO SAD
WENDY: not possible
ALISON: I know you are wondering who the hell I'm hanging out with that I heard these things
WENDY: yeah
ALISON: I heard I would cry all the way through
my ex-boyfriend the film critic is one of them!
WENDY: were you with kim cattrall and a publicist from the film
?
ALISON: and then I got invited to a luncheon of women who'd all seen the film
it was probably the only time I've ever hung out with a group of 8 women
and they said they cried all the way through
and that it was more about the friendships than anything
anyway
I didn't cry
it was good
but not AMAZING or anything
I looked at my watch a few times
it wasn't believable, which I know is a shocker
but I'd specifically asked people if it's believable and they said yes
WENDY: again
maybe don't ask that of kristin davis
ALISON: I was mostly distracted by the way chris noth's lower eyelids kind of sag at the corners
WENDY: and a studio executive
ALISON: yeah
well I think the best about people
I'm like charlotte
but then sometimes I'm kinda gay
so I'm like miranda
and then sometimes I wear shoulder pads, so I'm like samantha
and sometimes I'm annoying like carrie
my god, they really are everywoman!
and who can forget the fifth character...New York City
if I hear that new york is the fifth character one more time I'm going to puke
Jun 4th

This post is a Miranda!

WENDY: hi!
ALISON: hello!
WENDY: how goes?
ALISON: it's hot in NYC
how goes it with you?
WENDY: just recovering from goin to see SATC five times
or no times
ALISON: I saw it so many times my period synced with the show times
I think wearing a tutu was a mistake though
scratchy!
WENDY: that's weird since none of those women are probably still getting periods
SNAP!
i made a joke about old people!
ALISON: oh you didn't!
WENDY: i am so funny
i wore stilettos on my hands and feet!
ALISON: which did you walk on?
WENDY: neither
i had a chris noth lookalike
carry me on a litter
ALISON: a litter?
WENDY:
yes, a litter
is like a palanquin
or sedan chair
like cleopatra was carried on
ALISON: gotcha
I only know from cabs
and magic carpets
WENDY: i am just digging into the VF Clinton story
i feel like it's a non-scandal
like, hey surprise! he's rich and powerful and can't keep his dick in his pants!
ALISON: does bill die?
WENDY: he winds up with Big
ALISON: that is scandalous!
WENDY: after Big jilts him at the altar
Jun 2nd