Alison And Wendy

Let us do the talking. You just be pretty.



Alison and Wendy are Alison Rosen and Wendy Molyneux. They are involved in various exciting endeavors including book writing, television being on, magazine editing, celebrity interviewing, list making, script writing, comedy performing and, if you are Wendy, buying sandwiches for your sister's family with whom you are going to the zoo.


Need to know more about Wendy's book? We thought so.

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Sat Oct 4
slouching towards Bethlehem.

slouching towards Bethlehem.

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Alison gives Wendy a preview of her stand up

  • WENDY: so what's up with you
  • did you throw up today?
  • ALISON: I didn't yet
  • WENDY: loser
  • ALISON: I know
  • I have to get on that more
  • well I live in Brooklyn now
  • WENDY: oh right
  • you are cool now
  • ALISON: totally
  • although I'm not in the cool part
  • and I'm doing stand up on Sunday
  • for the first time ever!
  • WENDY: do you wear legwarmers and get all your food out of a dumpster and buy cocaine from your landlord?
  • ALISON: yep
  • WENDY: and you have a cat named jesus?
  • ALISON: and a hermit crab named the antichrist
  • WENDY: oh, so standup
  • that sounds terrifying
  • the stand-up, not the hermit crab
  • ALISON: I'm not that scared
  • which is probably a bad thing
  • WENDY: nah, that's good!
  • audiences are like children
  • they respond well to confidence
  • ALISON: I look back on some dumb things I've done in life and think "I should have had more fear"
  • but ok
  • have you ever done it?
  • WENDY: um, no
  • i only do stuff with other people
  • hit me with one of your jokes
  • ALISON: did you hear the one about potato leek soup? it got everywhere
  • just kidding
  • that's not in my standup
  • WENDY: oh boy
  • wow
  • that is
  • hold on
  • um
  • geez
  • ALISON: are you barfing again?
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Fri Oct 3

Let's cut to the chase: someone threw up this morning.

  • WENDY: HI!
  • ALISON: well hello!
  • WENDY: Okay, before we talk about anything else, let's talk about the sadness that was my morning
  • ALISON: ok
  • WENDY: I joined a lady-gym
  • that shall remain nameless
  • ALISON: curves?
  • WENDY: and i feel like to justify -- HEY I SAID NAMELESS!!!
  • ALISON: I don't follow direction well. okay, carry on
  • WENDY: anyway, to justify going there, I feel like I have to like, work out the hardest and burn a million calories
  • and they have a computer that tells you
  • so today, i really outdid myself
  • 532 calories
  • and then
  • ALISON: wow!
  • WENDY: i threw up
  • ALISON: double wow
  • WENDY: in the bathroom
  • of the tiny curves
  • and i'm sure everyone heard me
  • even though
  • they totally didn't
  • ALISON: they probably think you're bulimic
  • ha ha
  • and an exercise nut
  • WENDY: gross
  • i ate breakfast right before i went
  • BIG MISTAKE
  • ALISON: what were you doing that led to the throwing up? (which machine?)
  • WENDY: the whole thing
  • i finished my workout
  • and then sailed right into the bathroom and tossed my cookies
  • but i get to add that on to my calorie loss right?
  • ALISON: totally
  • WENDY: just so our readers are clear
  • i am not skinny nor am i a nut
  • i am just a sad lady
  • who throws up at curves
  • and then goes home and eats a ho ho
  • ALISON: to replenish?
  • WENDY: sure
  • let's say
  • ALISON: you probably needed it
  • WENDY: i actually thought "well, i threw up, so surely i can eat this ho ho"
  • ALISON: to replace electrolytes and hoho...bits
  • WENDY: if bulimics were like me they'd be better off
  • balance your vomiting with a sensible hostess snack
  • ALISON: haha
  • but think if you ate the hoho before you threw up!
  • then you'd have a calorie defecit that would allow for like, a whole entenmanns
  • WENDY: oh my god
  • THAT IS MY DREAM
  • ALISON: I know, right?
  • WENDY: i should stroll out of the bathroom at Curves eating a box of donuts
  • and be like, "what, I THREW UP!"
  • STOP STARING AT ME
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Thu Jul 31

Wendy doesn't care about how Alison almost ate a caterpillar and its amber-hued egg sack

  • ALISON: any natural disaster befall you because I have a disgusting animal story to tell you about
  • WENDY: shit. in meeting all day
  • about to go back in
  • so save it for tomorrow
  • ALISON: ok. I'll give you a hint to take to your meeting: caterpillar eggs
  • WENDY: yikes
  • no thanks
  • bye forever
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Wed Jul 30
“I think it’s cute,” said a pug owner.

“I think it’s cute,” said a pug owner.

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Alison Is So Worried About Me

  • alison: hello!
  • Wendy: hi
  • Wendy: how goes?
  • alison: I just got back from apartment hunting
  • alison: mike walked around with me
  • alison: it's exhausting
  • alison: how goes with you?
  • alison: also have you seen that beast of a thing on gawker? it frightens me
  • Wendy: it's some kind of PR thing
  • alison: yeah
  • alison: do you think it's a photoshopped photo?
  • Wendy: i am not sure
  • Wendy: and i believe that you are experiencing "generalized anxiety"
  • alison: like head of a turtle and body of a dog or something
  • Wendy: but here's the thing
  • Wendy: if it was real
  • Wendy: would be on THE NEWS
  • alison: true
  • Wendy: and yes, i am fine after the earthquake, thanks for asking
  • Wendy: now let's talk about an imaginary pig dog again
  • alison: I was just going to ask!
  • Wendy: ha ha ha
  • alison: because I just realized what an asshole I am
  • Wendy: my nephew called it an earth cake
  • alison: that's so cute!
  • Wendy: and said he "heard" it
  • alison: aww
  • Wendy: kids say the darndest things
  • Wendy: about natural disasters
  • alison: where were you when it hit and was it insane?
  • Wendy: i was on the second story of a high rise
  • Wendy: so it was a little unsettling
  • Wendy: but you know, earthquakes are great as long as you live
  • alison: did you get under a desk or go into a doorway?
  • Wendy: you pretty much know the outcome right away
  • alison: I've never actually seen anyone get under a desk
  • Wendy: are you getting a place by yourself?
  • alison: I just realized I didn't even mention the earthquake in the email I sent last night
  • alison: sorry
  • Wendy: i really don't care
  • alison: you're so proud wendy
  • alison: still upper lip
  • alison: stiff I meant
  • alison: but still upper lip, too
  • Wendy: i just thought it was funny
  • Wendy: that you were so worried about that imaginary pig dog
  • alison: well, it's scary
  • Wendy: and fake
  • alison: yeah
  • alison: I mean scary looking
  • alison: not like actually scary
  • Wendy: sure
  • alison: or rather, I mean gross looking
  • Wendy: true
  • Wendy: are you moving to brooklyn
  • Wendy: ?
  • Wendy: like everyone in new york does?
  • alison: well actually I'd say at this point it's 50/50
  • alison: I could go either way
  • Wendy: manhattan is deserted right? i saw that documentary, "I Am Legend"
  • Wendy: don't live in manhattan
  • alison: manhattan is completely underwater
  • Wendy: will smith will try to talk to you
  • alison: I'm wearing a snorkel right now
  • alison: will smith just swam by
  • Wendy: oh, is the head of the statue of liberty still in the street?
  • alison: yes
  • alison: hobos are living inside it
  • alison: hobos and hermit crabs
  • Wendy: well, keep a still upper lip about it
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Tue Jul 15

This post is about your mom.

  • alison: hi! I have to leave in about 5 mins for a meeting
  • Wendy: okay!
  • Wendy: can i come?
  • Wendy: i'll get in my pneumatic tube
  • alison: well, we were kind of going to be talking about you
  • alison: do you think it would be awkward?
  • Wendy: oh
  • Wendy: is it with my mom?
  • alison: yeah, with your mom and your sisters
  • Wendy: i already know what she thinks of me
  • Wendy: i read her blog
  • alison: I think she says stuff on twitter that's different from what she says on her blog
  • alison: just so you know
  • Wendy: i'll just stay here then
  • Wendy: tell them i love them
  • alison: will do!
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Tue Jul 1

I think, therefore I'm a meat piñata

  • ALISON: hello!
  • WENDY: hi meat piñata
  • ALISON: I feel so objectified when you call me that
  • WENDY: and i feel objectified when you don't
  • ALISON: look wendy
  • WENDY yes?
  • ALISON: I see you as so much more than the frilly bits of paper you coat yourself in
  • I see you as a constellation of things and ideas
  • you're like a tag cloud to me
  • and so to just call you meat piñata
  • feels wrong to me
  • WENDY: look, haven't you ever heard the saying, "tell pretty people they are smart, tell smart people they are pretty, and tell wendy she's a meat piñata" in an obscure reference to a party you went to where they actually had a meat piñata?
  • ALISON: I have heard that
  • I just don't really see how it applies here
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Wed Jun 25
NSFW

NSFW

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