Tue
May
13
this post was NOT written by a banana
- WENDY: can they please stop airing the hills
- that show is SO stupid
- they aren't even trying
- ALISON: hush your mouth!
- bite your tongue!
- WENDY: no
- ALISON: recuse yourself!
- WENDY: i won't
- ALISON: if you happen to be the lawyer on a case about the hills
- WENDY: that is the worst show ever
- ALISON: recuse yourself!
- WENDY: i am suing the hills
- for being so horrible
- and triggering the apocalypse
- ALISON: people say this. I hear this allegation
- and yet, I don't see it
- to me it's just awesome
- WENDY: don't get me wrong. at first it was kinda fun
- but now the producers are saying it's the new "friends"
- ALISON: oh
- well that is bullshit
- and sacrilege
- WENDY: that's like saying a photograph of me eating pizza is the new "thirtysomething"
- that was a show with writers
- the hills is like a series of catalogue photographs
- with more staring
- and less content
- ALISON: it's like saying a video of me ice skating is the new where in the world is carmen san diego
- WENDY: EXACTLY
- my metaphors need work
- that's the takeaway
- ALISON: I didn't watch the hills last night
- but i recorded it
- WENDY: just set your tv on fire
- and then throw it at lauren conrad
- ALISON: who do you like best/least?
- WENDY: everyone
- WENDY: btw, i'm gonna try to go to yoga today
- that's gonna blow
- ALISON: do you do yoga?
- WENDY: um, not yet!
- i have this idea that I really wanna do yoga
- but i am SO LAZY
- maybe I should declare that I am going to really start
- here on the internets
- ALISON: do it!
- our commenters will keep you honest
- WENDY: so I will keep the promise
- just like everyone keeps their promises on the inter nets
- like "i am eighteen" or "i am not in prison"
- those are two popular internet truths
- ALISON: or "I'm female"
- WENDY: "i'm not a superintelligent gorilla that learned how to type"
- ALISON: "I'm not a giant banana that has a personal assistant who does his typing"
- WENDY: i'm not
- STOP ACCUSING ME OF THAT
- ALISON: then stop looking at me with those banana eyes
- you know I'm powerless to resist you when you're making banana eyes at me!
- WENDY: c'mon
- i'm just a banana
- it's NOT MY FAULT
- ALISON: you know, for a banana you sure don't take much responsibility
- it's always the other guy with you, isn't it
- always someone else's fault
- BANANA: I had a difficult childhood
